It’s nothing like the movies or TV shows

We’ve all seen them; the comedic sprint in the middle of the night as a panicked father-to-be grabs anything and everything in sight for his overnight bag. Meanwhile, the very pregnant mom is panting and waiting patiently. And then for comedic punctuation, something vitally important is left behind, most likely its mom, as the mad dash for the car is made.

Cue the laugh track.

Once in the delivery room, mom is sweating, grunting, and pushes a few times. Less than a minute or two later, baby appears (an infant that amazingly looks like their 10 months old) and our intrepid dad passes out.

Cue the laugh track again.

Reality however, is nothing like that.

The labor pains did increase around 2 am, and after we got confirmation from the doctor that we should head over to the hospital, we did have to scramble for the bags. But fortunately we both started packing them a few days ago, even though we thought that at 37 weeks into pregnancy, we had a few weeks more to go before the baby arrived. And that’s my number one piece of advice for an expectant father—
Be prepared, there’s no such thing as being too early.

In the triage room of the maternity ward, my wife was checked out by the nurse and determined to be only one centimeter dilated. But according to our doctor, who we just saw the previous afternoon, the amount the cervix is effaced is actually more crucial. At the appointment it was 80 percent, and now it was 90 percent. The nurse recommended that my wife drink lots of water (she eventually consumed more than 56 ounces) and walk around the maternity ward hallways for a couple of hours.

As we traversed the darkened halls I could visibly see the change in her face. The cramps that had lasted a few minutes were now increasing in length and frequency with every lap, and she grew pale as the mild cringing segued to paralyzing agony. It was a helpless feeling as I watched her grip tightly to the rails along the walls and the pain nearly brought her to her knees. Our jaunt barely lasted the requested two hours and the nurse checked again, now she was three centimeters dilated and it was a foregone conclusion that our baby was going to make her debut three weeks early.

Not long after being moved to the delivery room, my wife was quick to ask for the epidural, which seemed to work quickly and effectively at easing the pain. The stereotypical moments of anguish and lashing out at the husband didn’t happen, but she did have an intense expression that simply said, “I love you dear, but if another person comes in here and tells me to hang in there I WILL SHOVE THEIR HEAD UP THEIR REAR SO THEY CAN WATCH ME KICK THEIR A** UP AND DOWN THE HALL!”

It was a lot of sweat, groaning, pushing, and general chaos as the nurses swirled around to help monitor mom and baby. In what felt like a blur, fifteen hours had elapsed since we first arrived at the hospital before the home stretch took place, and even that took another three hours. Despite the gruelingly long ordeal, my wife showed amazing stamina and fortitude. This wasn’t just my opinion, but the doctor and nurses as well. Where she found the well of energy to continually tap into was baffling.

I mopped her brow between every push and I knew the big moment was coming very soon. Even though the scissors to cut the umbilical cord were laid out for me on a nearby table, and I could even see the baby’s hairy head crowning, I still felt numb and in a daze. A truck could have run me over just then and I don’t think I would have felt anything.

When the baby’s head finally popped out, it was like a bucket of ice water was dumped on me. There she is! There’s my daughter! A quick cry followed as she was pulled out into the world. Without much prompting, I grabbed the scissors and snipped the cord. It was a foretold momentous occasion that was easier than I thought.

The nurses moved her to a pen where she was kept warm by an overhead heater as they poked her with needles and cleaned her up. Incredibly, our daughter didn’t cry much during the procedure. The only exception was the needles, and that was understandable. Otherwise she just simply moved her eyes back and forth at what must have been to her giant blobs moving around. Could it be fascinated curiosity that I saw?

Unlike what you see portrayed in Hollywood, giving birth is bloody, and some people might describe it as messy. With the placenta coming out after the baby, and in my wife’s case, the extra stitching needed to fix her up, that description would be accurate. If an expectant dad has a weak constitution, then yes, passing out is a real possibility. My advice though, suck it up (watch some gory horror flicks like Saw to build up a stronger stomach), because in the end it’s all worth it.