Kicking it into higher gear

In the past few weeks I’ve learned quite a few things about fatherhood.

First of all, books about what father’s should expect are hit and miss. Be picky about what’s out there or you’ll end up thinking it’s a giant waste of time.

Second, feeling my child’s kick for the first time is an awe-inspiring, eye-opening, incredible experience. There aren’t enough words in the English language (or any language for that matter) to justifiably describe it.

And last, but not least...putting a crib together is a royal pain in the butt! I’ll expand more on that later.

For my birthday I received a delightful book entitled, “So you’re Going to Be a Dad” by Peter Downey. It is a funny, light-hearted tome detailing the highs and lows of fatherhood, and what to expect in the delivery room and beyond. I immensely enjoyed it and read it cover to cover in just a few days. The author included a strong encouragement to read other books and learn as much as you can. So I was inspired to go to the library and expand my knowledge.

Little did I know that not all fatherhood books are alike. Some are written with negative slants and are just downright misogynistic. They can be chock full of warnings about your wife’s potentially violent mood swings, anger spawned by her unavoidable stretch marks, disruptions in your marriage, and horrid tales about the darker side of child care centers. I even came across a passage in one book called, “If You’re Doctor Is an A**hole”, and another passage that warned about fathers turning into raging lunatics at the hospital. Really? This is the sage wisdom and advice you want to spout? My advice to expectant fathers is to peruse what’s in libraries and bookstores with a very discerning eye, and digest it with a grain of salt.

No book can do justice however to the wondrous moment of feeling the baby kick for the first time. It took many tries, and lots of patience, but I finally caught up with our ever elusive baby. At this point in the pregnancy there’s precious little room to do somersaults and cartwheels. The kicks are getting stronger week by week, and at last I felt a big one hit the tip of my finger.

WOW! That’s her! I felt her! For the rest of the night I stared at my hand in amazement. It was the kick of my daughter and of reality. It might as well have been a kick in the head.

Driving that point home more was enduring the time-honored struggle of Man versus Crib. I took to the task with much enthusiasm, but that was dashed slightly as I discovered the crucial instructions weren’t printed in a handy booklet. Instead, some twisted masochist decided to put them on a giant sticker planted on the crib’s mattress support board. Great, so when I need to reference these instructions to figure out whether it’s screw "D" or screw "K" that goes into slot "M", I have to look at one of the important parts of the crib that is going into the actual assembly! That’s like putting a car together from scratch and having to reference the instructions imprinted on the undercarriage of the car!

After receiving an excruciatingly painful pinch from one screw that resulted in a quick bandage job on my finger, numerous drops of the Allen wrench used to fasten much of the crib together, and timely assistance from my wife, we accomplished our goal. The picture that was taken of the crib and promptly posted on Facebook should have been accompanied with the musical chants of hallelujah.

Despite the struggles though, it was truly worth it. There it sits in our bedroom now, awaiting the precious occupant that will slumber there for many nights to come. And here I am, father-to-be, sore and certainly wiser than I was not too long ago about my daughter and what the future holds.